You know … I’m an average kind of guy living an average kind of life I guess. I like to sleep late … I hate working out … I shop at the mall … love my dogs … I keep my paper money in the left pocket and coins in the right. Just an average guy … Meat and Potatoes.
Now there’s nothing wrong with that because no one expects anything special from an average guy … I keep plodding along doing average things. I don’t rock the boat or do anything that will stand out.
I heard a quote the other day from Andy Rooney: “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” Thanks, Andy. That’s encouraging.
Now the thing about being above average is – -Everyone does expect something – special. Hit a longer golf ball. Make a lot more money. Have nicer hair. Drive nicer cars. You all know the type. Us average guys could never be like them. The pressure is too much. We just can’t be above average on a consistent level – like those guys. They’re the ones who walk – no, no, parade – into the bar and – we shake our heads and say to ourselves – “Great! Now I get to feel a little smaller than usual and no one’s gonna pay any attention to me and just look at what I’m wearing, and … on and on.” What are ya gonna do?
Well, I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do! I’m gonna walk up to this guy – look him straight in the eyes – and – buy him a drink! That’s right. Then I get to hang around with him for a little while and people will see us together and maybe they’ll say – “Hey look! Phil’s hanging with — “Chad” — maybe Phil’s not as average as I thought he was!”
Then there’s the two of us standing around – you know, with me trying to look above average …chatting about above average things - and of course “Chad” doesn’t hear a word I’m saying – he’s looking over my shoulder for another above average guy to bail him out. Let me tell you something: It’s a sick, vicious cycle.
But … thankfully for us average guys the natural balance of things tips in our favor once in a while.
Just when we’re feeling a little down with our average lives, like nothing’s ever gonna change … like everything’s going to stay the same for ever, just when we feel like giving up… along comes … out of the misty fog of inferiority – - like a cloud on a sunny day … you guess it! … a below average guy!
He’s got worse hair than me. He’s got worse clothes. He’s shorter than me. He’s fatter than me. And … maybe … just maybe … if there’s any justice in this life at all … he’ll manage to stumble in my general direction … stare blindly into my eyes … and … (chuckle) buy me a drink.
Wouldn’t that be something!
Maybe that’s what they mean by: When you’re average, you’re just as close to the bottom as you are the top.
Thanks. I feel better.
(originally written as a 3-minute monologue)
